Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
