Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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