Just cropdusted the office
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
