It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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