He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
