so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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