you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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