im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
