Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
