4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
