thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
