the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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