Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
