Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
