My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
