If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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