some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
