I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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