I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
