dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
