our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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