did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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