He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
