whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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