saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
