I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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