just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
