I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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