i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
