Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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