After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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