Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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