the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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