just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
