I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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