I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
