LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
