It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
