I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
