Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
