I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
