weddingsv make me drug and hornr
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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