Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
