i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
