You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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