I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
