And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
