Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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