No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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