Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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