Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
