Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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