He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
