called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
