Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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