cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
