We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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